Pinksky’s World

If you are just beginning, the concept of keeping a man in chastity may seem strange to both you and him.  It may even seem a bit cruel, they do seem to  live for those orgasms, that is why this is such a terrific concept.  Truly, it can be a beautiful thing.  It will amaze you when you see the change in attitude that your sub will have.  You may even start to dread his orgasms.  I suggest doing tease and denial or reapplying his chastity device as soon as possible after his orgasm, just as a method of controlling his wild ways.

Most men don’t even realize that they need someone else controlling their orgasms.  Without the control their moods and actions are ruled by the “southern brain” and that can never be good.  The tease and denial in conjunction with making him submit to you will turn your edgy cave living bear into a sweet little pup at your feet.

You remember how it was when he was trying to woo you.  When he couldn’t wait to hear your voice on the phone.  When he said he would do something for you and it was done.  All that time he was gearing up to take you sexually.  He may have had a taste of you, but it left him hungry for more.  Nature makes him need more and nature tells him he needs to perform a certain way to get his hunger satisfied.  While he may choose to self stimulate (during the dating period or even after that) it still won’t be as satisfying as having you.  When we use tease and denial as a tool of control we are only replicating the same feelings nature gave him to win you.  He wants to make you happy.  He has the big “O” carrot dangling in front of him and boy does he want it.  The better you can convince him through your teasing of just how good it will feel to finally reach his orgasm, the more cooperation he will give to you.  This may not be the best tool to make him feel submissive, but it keeps him thinking of you and what you can give him. 

You must always be reasonable about how long you keep him denied, especially in the beginning.  He may otherwise feel like he is making the sacrifice and getting less than his fair share in return.  If he hasn’t accepted his submission yet, he will think he deserves more (more O’s and more denial).  If he happens upon some of the sites or blogs that have used some creative license, he may believe that he should be getting teased to a point of near ejaculation every few hours.  Obviously, neither the dommes or subs hold down jobs in those instances! 

You will love how your sub will value your touch.  He will  melt as you start to touch him and stroke his cock.  Just the possibility that this may be the time that you let his juices flow will make his heart pound.  Bring him to the edge, to where you notice little signs of the upcoming explosion and then refuse it.  By squeezing around the base of the cock just before the eruption is going to occur, you can stop the flow.  You will feel the cock try to almost get away from you, jerking around.  It wants desperately to escape your grasp.  Allow for a minute or so of recovery and start again.  This repetition promotes the filling of the vesicles and will not only make him go crazy for your touch, but make him  more receptive to the things you want from him.

This is also the best time for communicating with your man.  During this time, what I refer to as the communication port is open and the signal is coming through loud and clear.  That my friends will be another blog.  

I have had no formal training. I have engaged in e-mails and such with some experienced Dommes and read and read and read. From those things I have formed concepts that seem right for me. That doesn’t mean they are right for you. You must establish your own idea of what a femdom relationship is for yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you you are doing it wrong if it makes you and your submissive happy. I am not saying that you should be closed minded about new ideas or not listen to the words shared by someone with more experience. I am just saying that only you and your partner will know what works for you. Sometimes you may feel like you know what you need, your so sure. Then you find that your sub may not be responsive. Sometimes, it seems to take time to sort of evolve and sink in. There are many struggles in this lifestyle. No one should give you the idea that you read an article, decide it sounds interesting and joi-la, the next thing you know your husband is cleaning the toilet in a g-string and calling you ma’am. Makes a nice picture though, doesn’t it!

Time can be another struggle. Most of us have responsibilities outside of the lifestyle. These things are important and will sometimes take precedence over our “other interests”. We have to acknowledge that if your sex life wasn’t leading you around by the nose before you tried the lifestyle….you probably aren’t going to be able to have a 24/7 femdom lifestyle now. Work, children and other family responsibilities have to be taken care of and should be given the attention they deserve. If your the female domme reading this, you know that you may already feel that your schedule spreads you pretty thin. It can be tough.

Some subs come pre-submissive (kind of like the soup in the cup that you just add hot water to) you know, just add domination and they are happy little men. Others however are (for lack of a better word) needy. I know that seems like a bit of a paradox but they are out there. I know, I have one. Time balancing with that type can be much more difficult until they “accept” their submission.

Even if the idea of this lifestyle was brought to you by your mate, it doesn’t mean he understands the idea of what submission can be. He may not understand why he wants it. He may fluctuate back and forth between a deep craving for it and almost feeling guilty for wanting to be dominated. At some point he may even feel less masculine because of his need. Others want to be dressed up in your best nightie for a little cbt. That can be lots of fun, if it is what your into.

There are a host of variations to the needs and feeling associated with the subs and the ways in which the dommes chose to dominate. You will know it when you find it. Don’t lose heart if it takes a while. Like a vanilla relationship, it grows and changes. A healthy relationship is really going to be the base of what you have to work from. Cracks, dents and pings in that relationship won’t go away just because you bought a crop.

In the beginning….just in case you wonder about me…I am a true novice. I have set up this blog to share what I have learned about the Femdom lifestyle and will make no bones about the fact that I am still learning. I will also tell you that dominant women have opinions and are not afraid to express them, you’ll see that here. Sometimes it will be feisty, sometimes a little more low key. Sometimes raw and sometimes a velvet glove is more the style. Don’t be afraid to comment and get involved. Share what you know. Ask about what you don’t know. Maybe together we will all learn a little along the way.

As I have stated, I welcome the comments of others and soon (hopefully) we will have a forum area where dommes and subs, novice and experienced, can discuss important issues and have a little verbal fun. I welcome ideas and hope that others will feel free to engage in educational and entertaining chatter. We will be adding new links, resources and hopefully an area where our artistic friends can express themselves through things like poetry, fiction or graphics/art.

Originally posted Mon Oct 15, 2007 2:00 pm collarncuffs.com

We come to this life bare, helpless and in need of love and care. As we grow we learn what we need on new levels. For some of us, love shines a little differently. We find things that turn our blood hot may not be “the norm”. If your here, you already know that about yourself. I found the information about this lifestyle while surfing the net. I have always known something was missing…always a void, but could never quite figure out what it was. I knew I had a need for the kink but never followed, good girls didn’t, did they? My husband (a bit kinkier than I) truly awakened my sexual being when our relationship began. He has helped me to explore openly, concepts and ideas that I never would have without him. For that I will always be thankful. Thanks Frank<3. But due to the information we read when we started to research the lifestyle, it almost never materialized for us. You see, while I am a Dom me I am not a female supremacist. I do believe that my husband has an opinion and a right to give it and further I value that and appreciate his intelligence. However, there was so much anti-male information out there on the web which was written by, what in hindsight seems to have been, Dommes who have entirely different ideas about what has to be done in order to have a femdomme relationship. We nearly walked away from the whole idea. I did have an extreme interest in it though and so my subby agreed to try it.
Now mind you, I have a lot to learn about the lifestyle. Tonight though, I felt like I had a epiphany related to my “mistakes” (I did tell you I am still a novice and learning as I go). I realized just how much stuff is out there being peddled as the training for subs and the best way keep chastity for your sub. All the advice you could ever need to have the “technically perfect femdomme relationship”.The devices are out there for sale, promising to keep him chastised for you. A lock, a key and joile….the perfect male. Just add some face sitting, some stroking of the cock and a couple of nipple clamps and your there baby! Oh yeah, don’t forget to tell him to be a good boy and don’t go a hunting for that extra key. For you ladies, don’t forget, if you make him go without an orgasm for a few days, no weeks, what the hell…just take the damn things away…You’ll never make another bed, do a dirty dish, scrub a toilet and he will always be waiting to rub your back and lick your boots. Now I have to say I am not writing this to insult anyone. I believe the idea of the chastity and what can be accomplished with it is amazing but there is so much more. Had we never began the lifestyle, there would have been so much I would have missed,that would have been a shame. I am a dominant woman who loves to do lots of naughty things to my subby, but the biggest turn on that I think a woman could ever experience is looking into the eyes of that person that means so much to you and seeing the submission beaming from them. It is incredible. I would love to know that every woman had the chance to see that in the eyes of their lover.
I guess the reason I am writing this blog is because we (my hubby and I) have had so much difficulty with some of the information we have read, we have tried this persons ideas and that persons concepts. We have set our expectations to those of other people and I for one have found that many times they weren’t attainable (in my opinion some of which was more fantasy than reality) or they really weren’t what I wanted once I got it. So here is the facts. We all live in this vanilla world around us. We all have different needs, wants, kinks and responsibilities, so how can someone else’s concepts of the technical right and wrongs of the lifestyle be expected to fit us all. I naively took the information offered up on the silicone chip god as “the way it must be done”. Milk him like this, buy this device, etc….But you know, it just doesn’t fit us. I am writing this to help others who may be novices too and having the stressors and pressures put on them both by themselves and their significant others to meet the goal. I am saying in way too many words that you cannot get cookie cutter instructions and expect it to work for you. I must walk away from all of that and tailor my subby for the perfect fit. To my perfect plus sized fit, not for someone else’s. So watchout Franky boy, here come the pins!

Originally posted Mon Oct 29, 2007 7:00 am collarncuffs.com

As we entered the establishment, I could feel a bit of an adrenaline rush. It had seemed as if this wasn’t going to materialize. The phone calls to find just the right place. The scheduling to have someone available to watch the kids during the time when they were in low action mode (for the safety of the sitter)! To make sure we had just the right person to do the job. So much it seemed to arrange, yet those were really the small issues.
In my relationship with my subby (my dear Frank), we have been struggling with the issue of chastity. We have purchased both the CB3000 and the Curve. Both items were less effective than we had expected, both a disappointment to us. We looked for additional means of security such as the Points of Intrigue and the KGDs. Unfortunately, we found no success with these accessories either. So after much debate in my mind, much concern over the possible issues that could arise and the concept of what I would be insisting on having done to another person, the decision was made. I decided that it was necessary for Frank to get a Prince Albert piercing done to insure the effectiveness of the chastity devices. Now as far as the consensual aspect, I didn’t overlook that either. Frank and I had previously discussed a PA. I am not sure he ever thought it would really come down to that extreme.
When I informed Frank, he seemed pretty shocked. He seemed a little hesitant. I can’t blame him for that, it is a big deal. Probably one of the most important things to a man is his penis and I am telling him to ram a piece of sharp metal through it and put a ring in for good measure. Speaking of measure, we would need to have a somewhat substantial ball on the ring (which usually coincides somewhat to the size of the ring) so that it can’t fit through the spaces in the device. Ouch!
Well, here we were filling out forms, looking at the rings, discussing what was about to happen. WOW!
We went back to the procedure area and decided on the size of the ring, Frank (a little extreme at heart) wanted to go right to a 6 gage. WOW again! We taped the procedure. The piercer, Wendy, placed a metal tube through Frank’s urethra. Then illuminated the area to check the vascularity. She lined everything up, then I saw the piercing needle. This thing looked like a large drill bit, OMG. Frank just laid there looking very solemn, very still. Wendy pressed the needle through, all the way, OMG again, unbelievable. No sound came from him, no signs of distress, no reaction noted. Amazing! After all someone just shoved a huge 6 gage drill bit through your penis….what’s up?
I have to tell you how beautiful this is…so incredible. Frank was always so handsome in every possible way to me. His cock and whole genital area were such a turn on to me from the first time that I saw them. This however, just gorgeous. You see we had decided that this would take the place of his collar since he will wear this always and forever.

Welcome to Pinksky’s World.  I am a novice Domme.  A woman who had attempted to leave behind her dominance for a time, in favor of a change.  I thought (mistakenly) that perhaps I would find life to be better if I were a more submissive person.  For me at least, it didn’t work.  What I found was unhappiness and loss.  I felt, everyday I was less and less of myself.  That eventually, nothing of the person I had been would be left.  Although it was just an existence, it seemed to be my life to whatever end it would take.  It wasn’t a happy life.  I was someone I didn’t know and furthermore, someone I know longer even respected.

In the spring of 2007 I rediscovered the woman who had been hiding so silently for so long.  Due to some difficulties that had occurred in my marriage, my husband and I began to explore some options and broaden our sexual horizons. 

At first, we tried doing things “his” way.  Looking at porn (I have never been a really big fan of that form of “entertainment”) and indulging in sex of one sort or another at every given opportunity.  We didn’t get much sleep, I can tell you that!  Yet still, I felt unfulfilled.  He felt happier because he was getting attention and lots of sex.  Previous to this, my husband had been a big fan of porn and masturbated on a regular basis, to my chagrin.

We stumbled upon something one night as I was caressing him and playing with his cock.  I had been talking to him about his pleasures and the things he had done sexually.  I was trying to find things that had pleased him in the past. Even though they had been with other partners, I felt it could give me ideas on how to please him.  What I found out was much more valuable than what I was looking for originally.  Did you realize that stroking a man’s cock breaks down his walls.  Opens up his life to you.  I am telling you it is better than sodium chloride.  I didn’t realize the power I was now privy to.  I didn’t realize what I could do with this gift and where it could lead me.  The best part of it was that he didn’t realize it either.